The promotion for which you applied is given to your coworker. You give him congrats while fuming inside. Your friend posts pictures from their amazing trip to Instagram. Typically, you “like” his stuff, but not this time. For the weekend, your sister-in-law’s kids are being looked after by your wife’s parents. The fact that they never do that for your children irritates you.
A rival company experiences a run of success. You begin to consider all the things you dislike about him and the foolishness of his business practices.
Most likely, you have encountered the aforementioned situations or something similar. You become enraged and bitter when you witness someone else obtain something that you do not. Envy is the term for the emotion.
The Feeling No One Wants to Discuss
Even though jealousy is a frequent feeling, people dislike discussing it.
It is uncommon for people to acknowledge that they feel jealous of others. You seldom hear someone declare, “I’m really upset and angry at that person because they have something that I don’t!” Even though they may claim to respect someone for their achievement. Because that would further undermine their already waning sense of prestige and make them appear small and petty.
Not only do ordinary people dislike discussing jealousy, but academics also dislike doing so.
For starters, psychologists have produced very few books about jealousy. It is strange since it leads to a variety of interpersonal and emotional issues.
As a matter of fact, when philosophers, sociologists, and psychologists discuss envy, they still employ the definition he established more than two millennia ago. However, those men have all been dead for centuries. Since then, philosophers haven’t talked about jealousy all that much.
Therefore, discussing jealousy, whether it be one’s own or that of others, is taboo.
Even though we dislike discussing envy, being aware of it might help us resolve a lot of societal issues. Envy is often at the root of many of the negative emotions we feel toward other people. I am aware that after reading more about jealousy, I have been more conscious of it in my own life and have taken action to control the green-eyed monster that lives inside of me.
What Is Envy?
We have a confusing and variable definition of jealousy because we don’t discuss it much. Asking ten different people to define envy is likely to yield ten answers that are somewhat similar but still unique. We experience jealousy when we take pleasure in the misery of others and when we are hurt by their good fortune. Therefore, envy can be defined as either pleasure at another person’s tragedy or sadness at another person’s good fortune.
Whom Are We Envious Of?
You’ll probably find that you envy some people but not others if you examine your personal experience with jealousy. Why is that?
Generally, we don’t experience jealousy towards “those who lived a hundred centuries ago, those who haven’t been born yet, those who reside near the Pillars of Hercules, or those whom we or others perceive to be significantly below or above us.”
The people who are more like us, “those who follow the same ends as ourselves… [and] who are after the same things,” instead make us jealous.
You’ll realize this when you consider your own life.
In general, you don’t feel envious of others who succeed in fields unrelated to your own. If you’re a budding writer and your friend who works as a police officer is promoted to detective, you’ll likely be ecstatic for him without feeling jealous. You’re pursuing separate ends, as Aristotle would say, and his specialty and career path are entirely different from yours.
Even if J.K. Rowling is a fellow author, she is in a completely different league, so you definitely wouldn’t feel envious when you heard that she had returned to the bestseller list with a new series of books.
But… you’ll probably get a flick of the green-eyed monster’s savage tongue if a friend who has been attempting to get his first novel published signs a large book contract.
Envy can develop in response to the more general goals that you and your apparent peers have; therefore, it’s not necessary to pursue the same precise goals.
For instance, even if Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk have far more than you do, you probably don’t actively feel jealous of them. Simply put, their socioeconomic standing is too high for them to give a damn. However, if you’re an attorney, for example, and your business partner sells it for $5 million, you may feel jealous since, despite your separate professions, you both have the goal of being wealthy, and he now has a level of wealth that you don’t. In the event that a relative gains notoriety on social media for posting inspirational messages, you may feel jealous of them even though you don’t aspire to be a lifestyle guru in the traditional sense.
Aristotle argues that we only experience envy for our direct or near-equals because it makes us consider, “That could have been me!” You think, “I’m like that guy,” when you see the person who has the nice thing. I should have that nice stuff, too, if he does! But it aches because you don’t have it.
As a result, we feel envious of those we regard as peers.
Envy, then, can be defined as pain at the good fortune of others, especially those we regard to be our equals who are working toward the same goals as ourselves.
Jealousy Is Not Envy
Jealousy and envy are frequently confused. Despite their similarities, philosophers and psychologists distinguish between the two types of emotions.
Envy is hurt at other people’s luck. People have something that you don’t, and that makes you feel horrible.
Feeling hurt that someone might take away what you have is jealousy.
In love relationships, jealousy is most frequently triggered. When you believe your friend is attempting to take your partner, you feel envious. The anger of a jealous lover is often the cause of fights and killings.
What Makes Envy a Vice?
What good person would find pleasure in tragedy or sorrow in goodness? That is charity’s antithesis.
Envy can be seen as reveling in wickedness. Envy not only makes us feel bad about goodness, but it also frequently makes us want to lessen the good in the world. Not only do you feel hurt by other people’s wealth, but you also desire to take it away from them when you experience what is known as malevolent envy. We would prefer to see other people’s kindness destroyed in order to lessen the hurt we feel when we recognize their goodness. “If I can’t have what they have, then they can’t have it either,” we reason.
Envy is not merely a vice, but a peculiar one at that. Because it does not provide you with any pleasure, in contrast to other vices. At least gluttony allows you to enjoy cramming your face with too many slices of pizza. At least lust gives you the pleasure of an orgasm. At least you can play Fortnite while lounging on the couch when you’re lazy.
Enviously Happy?
Not much enjoyment is present. It’s a bitter pleasure, and you mainly just feel horrible. You feel guilty for enjoying other people’s suffering. In reality, it doesn’t feel all that good.
Moving Towards a Better Knowledge of Envy
The following, in my opinion, is a solid place to start when examining envy. Over the past year, I have studied the subject in great detail, find it to be very fascinating, and have a lot to say about it. Think of this as the start of a sporadic series about the topic. I want to go into further detail on the sense of jealousy in the following pieces in this series.
What distinguishes righteous fury from envy?
How can resentment and envy connect?
What effects does envy have on group dynamics?
How can we deal with envy?
I hope you will accompany me as we explore this emotion that is rarely discussed yet is felt by everyone. me as we explore this emotion that is rarely discussed yet is felt by everyone.
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