The sensation of intense sexual desire for someone else is called lust. It is the first thing that draws us to a possible mate and sustains the passion in a committed partnership.
The molecules in our brains are changed by lust. Hormones such as androgens, pheromones, and testosterone all affect how lust is felt. This is also a component of the human drive to reproduce and our innate biological processes.
We may feel lust and want to engage in sexual activity with someone we find attractive to perpetuate our species. People may feel lustful when meeting someone new or in a committed relationship.
So, how can you tell whether the feelings you are experiencing indicate love or lust? How can you know when a man or woman is showing indications of lust? It can be challenging to distinguish between them, especially in a relationship’s early, passionate stages. This article explains what lust is and is not, how it differs from love, how to recognize the warning signals of lust, healthy ways to express it, and the dangers.
How Do Lust and Love Differ From One Another?
Sensing a strong connection to someone and believing it to be love at first sight. However, it is crucial to remember that lust and love are not the same thing.
In the end, love is founded on emotional desire, while lust is only based on sexual attraction.
Many individuals tend to confuse love with lust, even though these two ideas are incredibly distinct. They continue by saying that some people could mistakenly think they are “in love” when they are actually “in lust.”
It’s more likely that you are feeling lust than love if you believe you are falling in love at first sight. How can you distinguish between the two, then?
The best indicator is that sentiments of love will emerge from an emotional source. This means that having sex does not need to be the reason you spend time with someone.
You will want to spend time with this person in a non-physical way when you are experiencing love. This includes bonding time, going out to eat, having chats about long-term objectives, or doing other things that are not sexual.
According to research, lust, attachment, and attraction are all separate but related brain processes. Therefore, although various neurotransmitters influence love and lust, these circuits are interconnected and support each other.
Lust
- Based on sexual attraction
- Like Chemistry
- Surface-level or physical link
- Lack of desire to learn more about the person you are longing for
Love
- More sentimental
- Comparable to compatibility
- A closer, more personal bond
- Interest in forging a bond more solid than a sexual one
Is it possible for love and lust to coexist despite their differences? Yes, they may, and once we begin dating someone new, we feel “new relationship energy,” which is typically driven by lust or sexual desire.
Although the duration of lust varies, this stage of a relationship typically lasts for two years. But love can grow over time after a more profound and emotional bond has been formed. In a relationship at this point, lust and love can coexist.
Love: What Is It?
- Indications of Desire in a Partnership
- How can you tell whether you’re feeling desire rather than love? If you identify with any of the following traits, you might be experiencing lust:
- If your emotions are solely sexual
- If someone loses appeal after you see their shortcomings
- If you are lustful for someone and don’t want to have a closer relationship with them
- The partnership doesn’t last long.
- You are physically attracted to someone, and your pulse rises as you desire to get close to the person who made you feel that way.
- You could sweat on your palms.
- You get butterflies when you’re around someone; you want to touch them a lot, and you want to go after having sex rather than stay and hang out with them.
- It’s conceivable that you are experiencing sentiments of love rather than lust if you wish to build a closer bond with someone you feel a stronger connection with.
Sexual desire can exist independently of love, and falling in love is not always the outcome of experiencing sexual desire. According to research, eye contact might give crucial hints about someone experiencing desire or passion. It should come as no surprise that the results showed that when people are in love, they are more inclined to glance at someone’s face, but when they are in lust, they are more likely to focus their gaze on the other person’s body. 2.
Indications That Your Spouse Is Lustful
Therefore, how can you determine whether your partner is seeking a committed relationship or a passionate one-night stand? Do men exhibit different symptoms of lust than women do? Regardless of who your spouse is, there are a few indicators that they may be experiencing desire rather than love:
- Things quickly become physical.
- Outside the bedroom, they don’t seem engaged in your life.
- They don’t tell you specifics about their lives, and they have no interest in hearing about your feelings or discussing their own.
- Talking to them feels superficial and limited to innuendo and flirtation.
- They don’t seem willing to make plans for the future and appear to have little interest in the connection.
- Outside the bedroom, there is a dearth of closeness and emotional bonding.
- Your discussions with them are shallow and limited to trivial topics like appearances or fantasy.
Is Lust a Good Feeling?
Is passion a good feeling? Yes, to put it succinctly. It might be. Lust, in Zajac’s opinion, is neither “healthy” nor “unhealthy” in and of itself. Instead, “how a person expresses lust may be healthy or unhealthy,” she explains.
Instead of concentrating on whether lust is a healthy emotion, she advises considering the negative consequences of acting on it to determine whether you are experiencing it in a healthy or unhealthy way. “Is there anything bad about it? There may be, but that depends more on conduct than on the sentiment itself.
How to Healthily Show Your Partner Your Lust
How can people honor or express their lust healthily without acting on it?
First, before engaging in any sexual or physical activity with another individual, always get their permission. Be open and honest about your desires with current and prospective partners to prevent misunderstandings or incompatibility.
Prioritize being open and truthful about your feelings when you start a discussion about lust with your partner. To address underlying reasons or if your spouse would be comfortable with you acting on that attraction, it is essential to chat if you are lusting for someone not in your relationship.
Ask your partner whether you can have sex with someone else in an attempt to lessen the possibility of dispute or infidelity. Instead, communicate to them that you are attracted to someone else.
You must choose how you want to carry on the talk and/or the relationship if they don’t respect your feelings. (Here, honesty is crucial once more.)
It is feasible to act on your lustful feelings with your current or future mate without creating problems. You can show your lover or potential mate your lust in a healthy way in the following ways:
Make sensual but non-disrespectful remarks to your lover, such as “You are so hot” or “I can’t wait to see you.”
Communicating your desire for your mate through your eyes or facial expressions
expressing your desires to them in a lewd letter, email, or text (with their consent)
sending pictures that are suggestive but not explicit (with their permission)
Talking trash in their ear or sending them a text (keep in mind that this is only acceptable if a relationship has already established consent)
How to Avoid Showing Your Partner Lust
Even though most individuals ultimately feel lust, it’s crucial to watch how you behave when experiencing it.
Instances of discomfort, abuse, or other problems may occur if lust is not conveyed healthily or politely. Use these pointers to help you remember when and how to show someone you’re lustful:
When in a committed, non-monogamous relationship, toward anyone but your partner
If you don’t have everyone’s vocal consent
When someone’s boundaries and/or consent are crossed, when you’re not using reason to make judgments
When you’re not sober and drunk from using drugs, alcohol, or other substances
When a partner’s confidence could be violated
If it could make someone uncomfortable
When someone treats you disrespectfully, such as by treating you like an object,
If acting out of desire brings more immediate satisfaction than long-term advantages,
If your actions are motivated by obsession, compulsion, addiction, or desperation
Finding a Healthy Bond After Sexual Addiction
When You Act on Lustful Feelings, What Happens?
Acting out of passion can have minor to significant repercussions, depending on the circumstances. The following feelings or circumstances could occur if you indulge in “unhealthy” desire behavior:
Fear
- A sense of jealousy
- Being compulsive
- Sadness
- A Separation
- Impulsivity
- Desperation
Take a step back, and try to look at how you are feeling objectively (which is very hard but necessary). You should take your time in love and sexual interactions to prevent unintended and negative outcomes.
You can better understand your feelings and determine whether you are experiencing lust or anything else by keeping a journal and engaging in self-reflection.
When Lust Is Beneficial
Lust is a normal, healthy biological response that has several advantages. Depending on how you handle it, healthily acting on lust can change your relationship, whether you’re single or in a committed couple.
Consider getting assistance from a relationship therapist or psychologist if you continue to feel the need to act on your lustful impulses when doing so could be harmful or disastrous. This person could help you understand the source of your emotions and how you can express them healthily.
Remember
As long as lust is expressed in ways that are safe, healthy, and agreeable, it can play a significant role in a love relationship. It is simple to mistake lust for love, and the two frequently coexist, especially in a relationship’s early “honeymoon” phase.
You can determine whether your partner is in love or in desire by understanding the distinctions, such as the fact that lust is primarily focused on physical attraction, but love entails a deeper emotional connection. The main point is that whereas signals of love center on wanting to learn more about the other person, lust for both men and women involves wanting to be physical with them.